sw00949a--about-me-links

   human poet
   2006/11/05/sw00007a-human.poet/748
   . . . . .

   2006-09-06 about me
   2006/11/19/sw00028a-about.me/793
   . . . . .

   sexuality
   2007/02/22/sw00227a-sexuality/1190 
   . . . . .

   June 9, 1984 Graduate Record Exam / and
   2007/03/11/sw00258a-gre1984june09uf/1238
   . . . . .

   about me #2
   2007/09/19/sw00617a-bio.me2/2222
   . . . . .



Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-21        

sw00944d46-disclosures

  I do a lot of research when online.

When I go to a site I am particularly interested in,
I often read not only the post before me, but also
all or most of the comments beneath that post.

Sometimes I read other posts and investigate
links from posts.  Have many times found 
information of value to me through this habit.

If something in a post triggers thoughts in me I
think are worth sharing, I leave a comment; but,
if others have commented, and one or more of
those comments already covered the topic in my
head, I don't comment.

I regularly go to Wikipedia first when I am
seeking general knowledge.  Doing so is not
always worth the effort, but there are some
excellent postings there, such as the long
Led Zeppelin one.

As I have said elsewhere: The Internet is
my house of learning.

Much of what is usually on the AOL Welcome
screen does not interest me, but I seldom just
pass it by.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-15    

sw00942ekua-page23

Edges of Knowledge


2006-02-04  Saturday  10:40pm dc est
-
The turtling minutes
only prolong
my tattetale agonies.

2006-02-05  Sunday  11:44am cc est
-
Have been thinking about/
and trying to figure how to phrase:
I believe/ there is a God--
call Him Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah,/
or as I have at times: Rune God;/
or as you prefer--
and that this God is/
a Three-Person God:
Father Creator Sustainer,
Son Redeemer Sustainer,
Love Enlightener Sustainer;/
and that each of these Persons
is always active.
~ I also believe/
this Supreme Being
has granted each human a free will--
the freedom to/ consider and choose/
at each moment: Heaven, Purgatory,
Hell; and that (for the most part)
each of us knows/ which state of
spirituality/ is being chosen.
~ I do not believe/ we *humans
are (for the most part, or most of the time,
because of some illness or other defect)
automatons.
* [Shortly before 4pm as I was about
to type the asterisked word above,
there was a knock on the door, and
a request I decided not to fulfill,
giving a reason which was definitely
true/ but wasn't--which I didn't even
think of--the primary reason impeding
me at that time.  (I am purposely not
revealing--and may not ever--certain
salient aspects of that incident.)  I
will say it may have been a test I
failed, but whether or not, it absolutely
was a dilemma event.  I am still in a
quandary over it.]  It is now 8:50pm dc est.

2006-02-06  Monday  10:40am dc est
-
All my life I have made errors, have chosen poorly, have made mistakes,
  if for no reason/ other than that: my mind's not right.  And why?
That I have yet/ to/ understand.
  Perhaps is totally in my genes for me to be/ as I am.
  Perhaps a certain hurt to my head (or/ to my spirit) is the prime reason.
  Perhaps my babyhood impetigo--.  Perhaps perhaps--.
  .
  Often (in part) it was ignorance;
  often again (also in part) the angers inside me were the catalysts.
So, yes, some of my actions were unintentional; some not.

*

7:44pm dc est ~ Now begin/ my long-thought-about/
hermit hibernations.
Oh, I know one could say I have ever been/ often and often/
sleeping so.  Certainly, solitudes and silences and dreams-in-dreams
are/ an imaginer's, a thinker's, without-which-naught/
sacred/ I-b-n-a-r Ring Caverns.  Still, now begin/ my
hermit vibrations.
10:32pm dc est
*
10:41pm dc est
*

2006-02-07  Tuesday  evening
-
About Love:
~
Are you (meaning: Am I) able to
fully/ love another?
  Probably not.
Are you (meaning: Am I) able to
fully/ love yourself?
  No.
Are you (meaning: Am I) able to
fully/ love the/ God you say
you believe in?
  Fully enough, I "think",
with the graces from Him
I would need/ to be able to
die/ for that belief.

*

About Being Born Again:
~
When (while I was a baby)
I/ was Baptized,
I/ was
  born again.
When (while I was a sub-teen or early-teen)
I/ was Confirmed,
I/ was
  born again/ a second time.
When (when I was 21, and was walking/
in a closed cloister/ just outside of where/
Mass was being celebrated/ in a Jesuit Seminary
in Minnesota; and Fr. Purcell came up to me,
and asked: Whither/ goest thou?: and I told him:
This day/ [It was a Pentecost Sunday.] I am leaving.:
and he bid me kneel, and gave me his blessing.  I--
being as I was, and as I am--took it as a direct
sign from the Holy Spirit Himself/ that another
mission [one which did not include/ being a
Jesuit] awaited me, and that I was/ at that moment/ being
  born again/ a third time.

-

And what did I do, once back in the/ unordered?
And what have I done?  I did and have done
all  manner of things.  I have not been, and
am not yet, and may not ever be/ a holy man, no matter my
  hermit/ intonations.







-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-14    ekua23

sw00941ekua-page22

Edges of Knowledge


2005-12-26  Monday  4:55pm dc
-
Though I, because of my eclectic ways,
even though I/ have made comments
(over my almost 65 years) in response to
various situations or direct questions,
do not ever expect to be/ among those
who/ are able to be online bloggers, I,
in early Decenber of 2000, did begin an
online journal--which continues to be
sporadically maintained--here at ThirdAge.

2005-12-31  Saturday  8:06pm dc
-
About my insanities:
.
1) Paranoia
    Yes, but targeted.
Right now, the 2 new residents
in the home just west of mine.
Though they have not been
directly/ nasty to me, I do
not trust them: especially
the shorter one.  
~ [01.01.06  2:02pm dc  Sunday ~
Also, they have [a] light-brown puppy with
partially-asymmetrical white markings,
making it exceptional enough/ it seems to me it
could be a show dog.  It is a pit bull.
I have not seen a leash for it.]
.
2) Narcissism
    Yes, but usually not overtly.
Without it, my INFP(?) personality would be some other.
It is what drives me to consistently create:
with words and number in particular.
.
3) Passive/Perfectionist-Aggressive
    Yes, but situationally.
I am an epileptic:
frontal lobe and generalized.
However, I also have a low testosterone malady,
the cause of which is yet to be determined.
My GP decided I should be examined by
some endorinologists.  I have visited them once,
have had blood drawn to test certain relevant activities
in my body, and have been scheduled to visit them again.
I am pleased my doctor directed me to them,
and I am pleased the lead doctor I am seeing
wants to know what is causing my malady.
[ 2008-07-14 note:  It turned out I apparently
    did not have low testosterone. ]
.
4) Anger
    Yes, but it is a seething "I rate" condition, mostly.
I know I was not born with the natural intelligence--
unless my early head injuries, along with whatever else,
took such intelligence away from me--
to easily achieve, or achieve at all, what I wish to.
So persistence has become/ a must for me:
which may not be a bad condition.
If you feel moved to, see what President Coolidge
had to say about persistence.
See also my read Tripod page 
about anger, about being irate.
  Not surprisingly, though,
numerous other lackings/ rouse angers in me.
.
5) Inferiority complex
    Yes, but if it is found my emotional immaturity
    is largely due to something wrong physically,
    I would accept it, and go from there.
[01-01-06  12:09pm dc  ~  Example:
~ Otherwise, here are three Britishers:
Shakespeare, Newton, Keats.
Millions of others then, from every
place on Earth.  See next. ~]
.
6) Delusions of Grandeur
    Yes, but I do possess a sense of humor,
    quirky as it is, and perhaps at times too self-degrading.
[01.01.06  11:55am dc  ~  Example:
~ Sometimes when reading through an explanation of
an abstract idea, i will suddenly say to myself:
"Don't confuse me."  To which I will
answer myself:  "With what?" ~]

2006-01-01  Sunday  10:48am dc
-
It is, yes, a new year; but I am still an
all-too-easily-agaitated dreaming spirit.
.
1) Empathy
    Yes, though both less and more than pleases me.
~ On the less end, it is my straight-out sins of omission
which/ are my most egregious acts.
~ On the more end, it is my over-the-top acts of--
perceived by me--kindness// which are among my stupidest.
.
2) [2008-07-14: If there is a "2", I know not where it is.]

2006-01-03  Tuesday  10:27pm dc
-
This night I learned of/ an old copyright law
with devastating consequences: a law which is
a perfect example of why so many governmental
decisions are not for the common good.
Do I overstate?  Perhaps.
.
This morning I learned from a certain Case Manager
of mine:  I am in the "pipeline".  Such a/ glorious gift/
it seems to be; and yet I wonder:
Can God possibly be in there/ with me?
.
It is closing in on 11pm.
.
Nothing.  Just the Penn State / Florida State
football game.
.
As I am not feeling well, I am going to bed.

2006-01-30  Monday  12:55am cc
-
If we cannot have an atrium,
perhaps we can have an exedra.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-14    ekua22   

sw00940ekua-page21

Edges of Knowledge


2005-11-03 Thursday 11:17pm dc
-
~~~~~~~

2005-11-13 Sunday 11:33pm dc
-
It's tough:
being/
a nuh/thing;

yet/
feeling filled/
because of/
my Creator;

yet believing I/
can do many good things/
because of my/
Redeemer;

yet/
quietly having/
endless insights/
because of my/   Enlightener.
* * *

2005-11-14 Monday
-
What follows here within the brackets/ I
attempted to put at "briansbrain2005cont",
but the general web site there was not
responding.
   [ Yesterday 2:22 2:32 2:33 2:34 pm.
Today so far 11:11 11:22 11:32 11:33 am
and 2:51--with that minute time I had told
Mr. C (during our one o'clock meeting today)
was highly unlikely to become the first
minute time I would see in a given hour,
this very day was--and then 2:55 pm.  ]
   Partial explanation:  I had an MV ride set
for 3pm, but I was done early and (even after
buying & eating a candy bar, was still early),
and then my ride came early.  Only God knows.

2005-11-15 Tuesday 8:51pm dc
-
At 8:11pm wc,
looking out my sleeping room's 
. . . [east] window,
above the trees, finally,
the gibbous moon,
and a bit higher, off to its right,
orangey Mars.

2005-11-18 Friday 6:39pm dc
-
Changes.

2005-11-25 Friday 9:18pm dc
-
Yesterday I worked in the yard for about an hour.
.
A little after 1pm today I was out again
when my weekly woman arrived.
She decided to help me.
By 2:30 we had 3 large black bags filled/
and placed near the street for removal.

2005-11-29 Tuesday 10:38am dc
-
Boy does it take me a long time to think of things:
to figure out how to (do something) (arrange something)!
You know how most wall sockets are designed:
they have both a lower plug-in and an upper plug-in.
For several months now I have not been using/ one in
this crazy den to my best advantage, not until this
morning.  I have three nite lights I had laid aside,
and then one night I decided to plug one in/ in a
socket whose upper/ connection space had long been
occupied by my den clock's (dc's) connector.  So,
even though that meant--if I didn't want to disturb
the status quo--I would need to press the nite light
into the lower connector, where it would be both some-
what behind a corner of a large box/ and upsidedown,
that is what I have been doing/ until 10:21am this
morning.  As you also likely know, most (if not all)
nite lights/ simply have two smaller prongs.  There-
fore it was not a problem (in and of itself) for me to
use it as I did.  Nonetheless, thearrangement I now
have is much better, no matter it meant I had to/ re-
set the clock.


~ ~ ~

Monday   12.19.05   8:58am
-
I am just a/
minor mind/
in a major universe,
trying to discover
one salvatory
truth/ or another/
outside those which
are already known;
and while I pray
for myself and for
billions beyond me,
I have decided I
(or Someone Else
 has decided for me)
must do my searching/
intensely     alone.




-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-12    ekua21 

sw00939ekua-page20

Edges of Knowledge


2005-11-02  Wednesday  4:55pm dc
-
Obituary 2

 (All Souls' Day)


And now the last
of the generation
before us--
in our family--
our father/
has passed:
At noon today,
and while he was sleeping,
Sister Jean told me,
phoning from Mobile
this afternoon.
His next birthday,
later this November,
would have brought him to/ 97.
We were hoping he'd make it;
but, as always, God had
other plans;
and we were pleased
he left here, it seemed,
peacefully.

Nescio, nescio.

It is difficult for one to who
is sometimes holy
and at other times
evil,
who is a worthy son
some moments/
and at other moments
a prodigal,
to write the truth,
or to write at all,
in a period
so ruled by vacancy
as this is.

. . .

Due to his health,
most times when
I attempted to have
(necessarily) phone conversations
with dad, they went uneasily;
so I wrote things
I mailed over to Jean
to share with him.
I am here in Gator Gainesville
and they are in Katrina Mobile.
What I last sent
was a poem I had written
some years ago
about a certain Sunday
when he was still living
in Colony Cove
near Palmetto and Bradenton,
and Janice and I, visiting him,
went to church with him.
Do not know how much of it
Jean read to him,
but she told me he smiled
when she finished.
For all his strengths,
and all my weaknesses,
hearing her say that
made me smile.
I was, and yet am, ever glad.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-11    ekua20

sw00938ekua-page19

Edges of Knowledge


2005-07-25  Monday  11:05pm cc
-
As aggravated as I can get at my least mistake;
as sharply as my inability to be perfect/ irks me,
I would not want to have a chip implanted in me
that would make me "perfect".  Where there is
no challenge when it comes to improving one's
ways of doing, there is no joy.
.
However, because I have so many ailments,
I might accept the implantation of a medical chip.

2005-07-26  Tuesday  7:51pm cc
-
Most significant time today:  7:32pm dc.
Had gone to drr, and shortly thereafter
the phone rang.  I would not have 
answered it, but it is easy to get to now
because a while back I found a way to
get it closer to the drr.  The caller was
J. D., whom I have been thinking of
nearly every day for an even longer
while.  I wanted to call him, but I 
could not summon/ his last name.
During our conversation, I revealed 
something about me which moved
him to say . . . in parting.
.
. . .
.
--after 9pm--
On the radio the Milwaukee Symphony is
playing Brahm's Symphony #4.  It is one
of those works I relate to right from its
first notes, even if I do not have the musical
memory that would allow me to remember them.

2005-07-27  Wednesday  11:49pm cc
-
Yesterday I meant to mention that it was ADA day,
meaning that on July 26th, 1990, the Americans
with Disabilities Act was signed; but I never quite
got to it.
.
Today was a busy enough day, but the next
2 days are likely to be busier.  Tomorrow I
will be getting a third bone density scan.
It's been a while since the second scan.
Friday I need to see one of my case managers
regarding an upcoming [see new day]  --12:00am cc--

2005-07-28  Thursday  12:02am cc
-
sanity session with a clinical psychologist.
.
Last had a bone density scan (bds) as Shands Main
on 19FEB04.  Today at Shands Main I had another.

2008-08-01  Monday  9:45am cc
-
I began my computer day at 0:32am dc.
.
Decided about a year ago--I'm not really sure--to place 
all my writings in one large volume, but have been finding it
difficult to decide on a title for that volume.  This morning--
while slowly thinking through my major daily prayer--my
thoughts opened to my last night with Janice, and my one
contact, and my last words.  Just as I did not know I would
be visiting her twice that day, I did not know she would pass
that night, nor did I know I would inexplicably be gently
moving my cursor from the bottom left of its screen to the
middle top/  close upon/ the time she passed.  Placing my 
left hand on her forehead was my one attempt-to-communicate
touch, and saying "good night, Janice" concurrently/ my last
words.  As to my volume, among the titles I have considered
are:
      Who Am I?
and
      Everything Wants to Fall on the Floor.
This morning I decided I would name 
my mysterious opus:
      Good Night, Janice.

2005-08-06  Friday  9:47pm cc
-
9:41pm dc  -  This is the day that Janice made/ what with
my coming to read "Bridge Over Troubled Water" because
of Bill Beckett and his closing his program, "The Caravan".
with Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir", which I found and read at
SongFacts.com, and which led me to their "Stairway
to Heaven" which I also read there; and then to S & G's
"Bridge . . ." which I also read there; and understood why/
Janice so loved it/ as I, for the first time, really read it,
my life otherwise being usually too noisy for me to care to
really read/ any song.
.
You know, Forty-One, if the numbers tonight are
trying to communicate, 9 means September, the month . . .
Janice [and I] got engaged.
.
[ 2008-07-10 note:
    US Highway 41 is the major north-south highway 
    that passes just west of my hometown. ]

2005-08-11  Thursday  10:26pm dc
-
Am revising Rooted Sky offline.

2005-08-19  Friday  12:51pm dc
-
At last
I am becoming the hermit
I have always
wanted to be.

2005-08-27  Saturday  11"58pm cc
-
Thank You, Lord,
for having the tallow tree's dead limb be
ready for plucking.
It was/ as You know/ a bit tricky,
but I did manage to pull it down
without causing too much damage.

2005-08-29  Monday   11:11pm dc
-
At 64, I am a self-displaced Wisconsin poet.

2005-09-05  Monday  Labor Day  9:41pm dc
-
While looking for something else over the last
several days, I came across--in a school notebook--
an essay I apparently began on 04SEP1985.  I do
not have the time to enter it here now, but I will
give its title:  (Poetry): "Some Thoughts About
Poetry from a Fledgling Seeker of Word Magic"

2005-09-09  Friday  11:01pm dc
-
"Hermetics" definition today.

2005-0-15  Thursday  8:11pm dc
-
Over at Tripod, my year-to-year "Brian's Brain"
is my . . . [journal].  Here, my "Edges of Knowledge"
unplanned autobiography is.
[ 2008-07-10 note:  Here is ThirdAge. ]
.
I am abruptly again, however, leaving here.
My mind has been--by tonight's StarDate.org
program--made curious about the life of Sol
and of other stars.

2005-09-16  Friday  11:31pm cc
-
Goin'nuts agin as I usually do when I get too stressed.
This spirit of mine is just too wound up, too like a 
knotted ball of yarn, too like a spinning beast of
yearning. . . .

2005-09-18  Sunday  9:53pm cc
-
If every little thing that isn't perfect
gets to you, then the only way to find
peace is summoning up the courage to:
kill perfection.

2005-09-20  Tuesday  8:06pm dc
-
For the last 2 days now I've not gone out
into the yard.  Perhaps tomorrow.  I am
sure that meanwhile the weeds are laughing.

2005-09-27  Tuesday  4:00pm dc
-
To hell with time;
to hell with perfection.
They have done more
to keep me stressed
than anything else
I can think of;
and yet,
not being a natural genius,
yea, dumb as I am--
nay, perhaps because
dumb as I am--
I find it is
not possible
for me to cease battling
with unyielding time;
for me to cease wanting
untouchable perfection.

2005-10-14  Friday  9:38pm dc
-
Hadn't had a mosquito in here for quite some while,
but yesterday--one at a time as usual--got in here,
the last one when my lunch arrived.  I killed each
of the first 3, but I do not know if I ever killed
the 4th one.
.
I don't know if it's the Keppra I'm taking, or what,
but all of a sudden I have been consistently hitting
the wrong keys on my keyboard, especially the
specialized ones.
.
[ 2008-07-10 note:  That Keppra remark is interesting
    in that I am still on Keppra and that this year I seem
    to be having more problems/ hitting the/ right keys. ]

2005-10-23  Sunday  7:54pm
-
The other day I found a small but scary spider
spinning a web in this drr's sink.
.
[ 2008-07-10 note:  Recently I have killed at least
    six different kinds of spiders in this apartment. ]     



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-10    ekua19

sw00937ekua-page18

Edges of Knowledge


2005-06-11 Saturday 9:49pm cc/dc
-
Listened to "The Caravan"/ tonight.  It was another special:
this time a Tom Russell CD.  Charles Bukowski and Little
Jack Horton were at the center of it, but there were several
others also, one of whom was the American Music Maverick,
Harry Parch.  Near the CD's end, the program (I think) also
included a commentary on the CD.  When the last track was
playing,

2005-06-12 Sunday 9:08pm  -- Happy Anniversary --
-
(continuing from yesterday)
    That commentary apprised the listener he/she might     
experience an emotional ambivalence at the CD's end.
One of the possibilities was: the listener might begin crying.
As I am one quite prone to such a response, I bolstered
myself.  I had no idea, of course, what I might actually do.
When the last track began, I realized it was being sung by
a female, and that is was: "America, The Beautiful"; and 
that soft tears were forming behind my eyes.  Obviously,
Tom Russell loves this country; and as harsh as much of what
he presents on his CD is, his choosing to have its final track
be what it is/ certifies that every track on his CD is there
because he loves this country, as his own commentaries
through/out do make clear.
.
11:41pm cc  -  At 11:32pm dc I was at an About.com 
firewall info page.  I ex[ect I will go back there tomorrow.
Am still not sure, and I may run into the same block as I
did with the Zone product.

2008-06-13 Monday 1:11pm cc/dc  - Good afternoon, God.
-
Yesterday I finally changed my wall calendar from May to June.
The calendar's hole for hanging is too small for the head of the
nail in the wall, and I have always had a problem switching
months because of that, but yesterday I decided to use one of
my cuticle scissors to make a wee cut from the hole's top--
which is the hole's bottom when the page is turned up--in the
June page.  I also have an eight-inch metal crucifix hanging in
front of the calendar.  Because there are two storage boxes
(which originally held packets of ketchup for a Chick-fil-A
I had been employed at for a few months) along the wall there,
and I am now around 4'11", the nail holding the calendar and
crucifix is almost beyond my reach.  So, I got the June page
up; but I needed to get the crucifix back up, and I found that
trying to get its big-enough ring to settle around the nail while
I was holding that crucifix upright/ was only going to frustrate
me.  Luckily, I also found I still could reach high enough to 
turn the crucifix upside down.  It took some patient doing, but
with its ring hanging free, I was just able to get my left hand's
index finger's nail-edge on that ring solidly enough to hold it
back toward the wall so I could then slowly swing the crucifix
clockwise down with my right hand.

2005-06-19 Sunday 9:15am cc/dc  Father's Day
-
My obsession with numbers, and particularly my fetish with
certain of them, seems to be holding a part of my brain in a
maze trap.
  This morning I exited from the drr at 7:11am dc, and first
looked at the wc at 7:41am; and when I looked a second
time, it was 7:51am.  It was 7:59am when I left the k, but
8:00am when I got back into the d.  And then it was 8:17am
dc, and later 8:50am; but it was 8:51am on the sbc and the
wc.  And then, moments ago, it was 9:32am on the dc.
  The current core fetish minutes are: 00, 16, 17, 32, 41 & 51.

2005-06-21 Tuesday 7:53pm cc/dc
-
    And what number did I forget?: 11, of course.
    -
    Immediate karma.  Two stories.
1.  Some minutes ago I was in the kitchen eating a
     banana while--as I usually do there-- standing
     at the counter, and when I finished, I went
     about wrapping the remains up in the paper
     towelling I had placed it on; only, another
     section of paper towelling which was under
     that one began to come up with it; and the
     lizard in me popped up its head, its tongue
     flicking; and I began venting, spouting little
     nasties, as I untangled the two . . . sections
     and, talking to myself, settled down.
         But at the back edge of another sheet of 
     towelling off to my left stood an 8 oz. plastic
     tumbler I had nearly filled with water and
     grape juice.  As I turned to take the wrapped
     banana leavings over to the garbage basket,
     my left hand--because it was too free and I
     was not standing as straight as I ought to 
     have been--tumbled/ my drink.  Stunned, yet
     quite aware, I kept silent, thinking:  Well,
     Jesus, I know You're trying to change me, but
     I--at which point I have Him interject:  Yes,
     you dumb shit, but you just don't get it.  I
     begin the long cleanup, which happened to
     involve 2 holy cards.  Immediate Karma.
[2.   ???]

2005-06-25 Sunday 11:37pm cc
-
Such a strange person I am:
so easily do I get aggravated;
so relentlessly do I push on.

2005-06-27 Monday 12:02am cc
-
It was just midnight on the dc,
or 00:00am (as I prefer to show it).
I had been up at Sunday 19jun05
where I listed my signal numbers,
but missed one (so I thought).
I am now going to go back there
to check again because I now suspect
I missed two.
  I did!  Not only did I miss 11, but
also . . . missed 14, my nemesis #.
.
7:11, 7:14, 7:16pm wc & 7:17pm dc yesterday. . . .
.
Big A-A yellow shirt  #33  cell phone  smooth
white car?
.
A C. W. called regarding my epilepsy.
We conversed for a fair while.
.
White car still directly outside my den window.
It is 1:17pm dc.  Chevrolet?
.
Because I had a hard thirst, I was at my shelving
where my mostly water drinks rest.  It was 3:52pm dc./
4:11pm/  At 4:51pm I was watching through hard rain
to see what the garbage guys would do with my garbage.
They skipped it.  I began wondering if they knew
something I didn't: there is a bomb in it.  That maybe
on the other side a message reads: Do not open.  I
knew that perhaps they skipped it only because it was
not obviously full.
.
After they left, I unplugged my computer, phone
line, and TV.  5:11pm dc
.
6:01pm  -  white car returned again  -  possibly for
a third time, but parked in a different location.
Perhaps it was a different car.

2005-06-29 Wednesday 9:24pm dc
-
It's incredible.  After a long, tiring day, I--in
the end--had to take a taxi home from Publix
as MV ceased to oblige me.  I do not know what
I am going to do about them.  And then there was
the tall bloated elderly shopper who insisted I was
sleeping (all the while he was shopping) in the
chair I had been sitting on:  a chair which was
brought to me by one W-- for my comfort since
there was no way of knowing how long I might have
to wait for my ride.  That accuser was, yes, partly
right, but since I quickly realized there was no
possibility of reasoning with him, I said, "Goodbye";
and went back into the store proper while he had his
"mom"--unnecessarily--move the chair out of their
way.
.
It's incredible.  I arrived home at 5:55pm dc.
Who knows.  It is now 11:41pm cc.  During all 
those minutes/  a set of phone rings occurred 
only one time: yes/ when I was sitting on the/
toilet.  [. . .]

2005-06-30 Thursday 12:30 (or 00:30) am cc.
-
I won't be going to the peer group session
at CIL twelve hours from now.
.
For the second day in a row/ the phone has
rung while I was on the toilet.  The time was
around 4:23pm dc.
.
Aboust 8pm a white car stopped in front of my home.
A fairly big A-A wearing an orange and black shirt
with the number 27 on it/ got out.  He placed an un-
lit cigarette between his lips.  He was carrying two
filled plastic shopping bags.  (One would guess/
food was in them.)  The white car?  It was an Acura.   



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-08    ekua18

sw00936ekua-page17

Edges of Knowledge


2004-09-18 Saturday 3:59pm
-
---from the 9-18-04 entries
of my Capricorn Journal---
3:13pm dc through 11:38pm dc
.
So you're gonna die.
Everyone's gonna die.
But is that really why
ev'ry little thing/ upsets you/
.
Why coldn't I stop?
I don't know.
Why couldn't I change course?
I don't know that either.
.
63; thus passing through
my 64th year, I yet can often
innovate, and re-innovate.
Therefore, why sometimes
.
[do] I get mired in a/
harmful way of doing/
I can only attribute to/
a deranged self-awareness?
.
Those times when reason/
permeates my self-awareness
regarding a particular,
I can cease [doing] 
that which is harmful.
.
At least begin to.

2004-10-09 Saturday 10:40pm
-
In an offline place, today I took a first step
toward outlining my life's oeuvres, if I am
given the time to do so; and eventually toward
presenting the extant majority of my writings
under one title, if I am given the time to do so.

2004-10-21 Thursday 10:11pm
-
Deleted two screen names today.
. . . [Three] remain.

2004-10-29 Friday 10:11pm
-
There are preliminary stories to
what I am being moved to say here,
but I am going to elide them.
*
What I wish to do is give a little sermon
on the word "as" in The Lord's Parayer.
That word, to me, has these meanings:
1. to the degree in which
2. in the manner of how.
[ 2008-07-07: The "as" I was speaking of
  occurs in the passage:
  "And forgive us our trespasses
  as we forgive those
  who trespass against us." ]
*
Further,
"Vengeance is mine,"
saith the Lord;
and
"Whatsoever you shall do unto these,
the least of My brethren,
you do unto Me,"
Jesus said;
and also,
"Love your enemy."

2004-10-31 Sunday 10:06am
-
Further, do not
forget Jesus's word's:
"Father, forgive them;
(for) they do not know
what (it is) they do."

2005-01-05 Wednesday 12:41am
-
It may well be
the bloggers
rule the net,
but just as they
were becoming the power
in online journalizing/
I was taking my
journalizing powers
into the offline.

2005-02-11 Friday 5:26pm dc / 5:30pm cc
-
Am considering opening a . . . [site]
on which I will present a
different creation of mine each day.
I may, for instance, for all the seeming
senselessness of it/ from certain
vantage places, begin by presenting
each of the 366 sonnets in my 1976.

2005-03-13 Sunday 7:20pm dc
-
Offline Capricorn Journal I was keeping
is full.  The hardbound notebook was, I believe,
a gift from Janice years back.I am writing
a short poem on an unlined page at the rear
of the notebook.

2005-03-20 Sunday 10:54pm cc
-
An outline (a listing of titles) of my works
which I've begun on some legal size yellow/
lined paper/ I am now intending to place here,
but not tonight.

2005-03-23 Wednesday 1:43pm cc/dc
-
Am considering beginning a new page.
I want to make an annotated outline
of my writings.  I know I will probably
miss some, but I can always add them
when I happen upon them.  I any case,
it seems appropriate to have them all
on the same page.  Besides, there continue
to be new ones, and I think I will need
the space.  I know it will look cleaner.
As to SAPLINGS, I may reveal exactly
what I have, if I can find it.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-07    ekua17 

sw00935ekua-page16

Edges of Knowledge


Wednesday 2004-05-05 9:49pm
-
In a manilla folder I entitled "SAPLINGS"
is a year-ordered list of my early poems,
quite a number of which I--unhappily--
long ago lost.

Thursday 2004-05-06 5:42pm
-
Since my self-confidence is often weak,
relying on my willingness to learn and my
need to persist (is)are the best I can do.
Since the words I use and the order I use
them in are often not for me alone, the best
I can do in that regard is all that can be/
expected of me: A, B, C, D, F, Z.

Tuesday 2004-06-01 5:08pm
-
Brian, do not keep rehearsing/ in your tetched mind how you
screwed up when you failed to support that Ben Jonson poem
in that Iowa literature class where the professor's testing put-
down of it was so well voiced not a single student could properly
voice a counter.  It does not matter that the counter--which he
himself in the end presented--was in your head.  You
simply lacked the "guts" to reveal it.  That is the way you had
always been, and that is the way you would likely be now, and
that is the way you will be in the future, probably.  Personalities
stronger than yours (and there are many such) consistently         
intimidate you, and your knowing this is one of the root reasons
you often feel you do not belong/ in this world.
*
As a sister-in-law of your used to say:
      "Throw him a fish."

Friday 2004-06-04 5:35pm
-
Excerpt from 6-3-04 of Capricorn Journal:
"The final doze seemed the longest/ and I did wake
from it with my forehead in my food; and I thought:
Oh no! I wonder what time it is: 9:41pm wc Aeh!!!
One thing, though: the buzzing outside the door had
stopt.
   Back in the den  I hit 10:11pm.
   At 10:41pm dc I powered up.  There's no use in
fighting it anymore.  All these events are unintentional,
consciously."
*
Today has not been--we had our hard rains at noon,
and it didn't help my body any.  Nonetheless, about
4:50pm I decided to try going to Publix at noon 
tomorrow.

Thursday 2004-06-10 7:38pm
-
Competition: As many times as I have embraced it,
[it] has nearly always been a bane to me.  I prefer to
avoid it.  Stop!  Modulation, intonation, poetic risk.
If I do not compete openly, I nonetheless do compete:
against my priors, against present preferences, &
(most importantly) against myself.

Saturday 2004-07-17 2:07pm
-
COPD.  Since I do not quite know where to start
passing on to you--.  I had some snail mail to get out.
About 10am I did that.  I also picked up another full
box of mail, and another book.  Returning home, a
weakness flowed through my body, a weakness like none
I had--COPD(?).  On the way over there, a young girl
with a much younger boy and their chips in their bags
happened behind me, and she asked--as I was about to
head up the mail station frontage--me if I was okay,
if I needed help.  Told her I had several diseases, and
that because of one of them I was no longer able to
stand straight.  She said I almost fell over that bump
(that bump being a yellow speed bump) back there.
I told her I would be okay, and thanked her.  She said
I was welcome.
*
Spiders.  (Thuncer, Rain, Lightning . . . 2:48pm cc)
When I got to my door there was a thin longish unplain
spider coursing up to the right of my door.  As there
are 1000+ species of USA spiders, and as there are
moltings which sometimes involve color changes, and
as I am not schooled in spider identification, I found
a small but sustantial item of mail, and smashed it.
   For whatever reasons, I have been having more
spider problems recently in and around this place than
ever before.  I am getting help controlling them, and 
that help appears to have actually helped/ especially 
by poisoning what spiders feed on.
*
Shortly after I was back in, I began feeling better.
(It is cooler--a little--and drier; and, I suspect, a
lot less polluted in here.  I am using good filters
with my heat pump.)  So, I only partially sorted
my mail.  What did I do--or perhaps I should say
what I found myself doing--was a sweep-through
of the main bedroom and bathroom, the hallway
connecting them to the kitchen, and the kitchen.
I did see 2 spiders, maybe 3, along the way, but
I didn't go after them.  They seemed to be like ones
I'd seen many times before in this place/ and had 
never had trouble from.  They are usually on the floor
near where they can hide.  So far as I know, they do
not make webs, at least not (if they do make webs)
inconvenient ones.

2004-07-23 Friday 8:54pm
-
7 bananas I had purchased, and now I was going to eat
one; but when I turned I immediately saw/ one had acquired
a black band on its cover.  I went to my silverware box and
pulled out--even though I knew I shouldn't be using it--
my paring knife (the one with wooden handle we had had
for unknown sentimental years).  An inch near beyond the
band I severed that banana after I had with unusual difficulty
separated it from its bunch.  I found the skin supremely tough/
while the fruit within--while it seemed fine--lacked firmness.
I thought I ought to check another, but with my spirit mate's
paring knife (the longer sharper one with the red plastic handle
we had had for fewer unknown sentimental years).  I found it
too did not fare well.  So 7 bananas and 2 knives I wrapped
together and sealed in a plastic storage bag, and placed in the
kitchen garbage container.

2004-08-24 Tuesday 3:29pm dc
-
...In the quiet of the Lord/
...one is open to/
...the wisdom in/
...persistence.
...In the quiet of the Lord.

2004-08-31 Tuesday 8:50pm
-
In my early 30's I officially came out,
but during the course of the public years of it
I did things I had told myself I would never do,
and in so doing/ fiercely mocked my profession.
I would tell you what they were, but I do not believe
you would care to know them.  Just let it be said I
have often found it difficult to supress my emotions;
and now my house is rotting away.  And Frances is coming.
And a rabid rat is gnawing at me.







-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-06    ekua16

sw00921a-determinations

    from 1972 photo by Mr. John Poulter *

  As of today no in-progress books of poems
remain in this journal.  See "All About Me".  
Of the 13 books, one is a double chapbook:
Autobio Poems; three: This Day's Poem,
Prayers in December, Seminary are
chapbooks; and one: my hometown lyric 
narrative Fond du Lac could be a chapbook
if it were published on paper.

Rooted Sky 2007, originally published 
in 1972 as Rooted Sky, is some places
called a chapbook but I've always thought
of it as a book.
-
Other books are Justan Tamarind,
Postures 2007, June 2007, Sets, The
Undulant Trees, and Venturings.  
-
Then there is the opus:
1976: in 2006, originally published as
1976--366 sonnets and 12 reflections--
in the cassette medium.  Presently 352 
sonnets and no reflections, even if it were  
published with two sonnets on each page, 
would be a substantial traditional book.



-
* John Poulter was an inmate at the
   Wisconsin Men's Penitentiary in
   Waupun, Wisconsin that year.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert

sw00917d36--state-of-being

 Awake at 6:16, I was pondering a lucid dream I'd just had.
In it I had been trying to deal with a tray of food in a space
which was too small.  Immediately realized/ that as small 
as I am physically, complaining about never having enough
space is likely the major voiced negative in my life.  Later
after completing my usual bed-centered routine, my major
unvoiced negative revealed itself: frustration.  Then while
I was in the kitchen with my multivitamin and potassium
supplements, I fell to considering again that neither hell
nor heaven may be actual places in the sense we here
on Earth recognize actual places, but may well be the
state-of-being one has chosen as representative of    
who one is.  It is not that I haven't experienced many
moments of peace and happiness.  I have.  Even so,
for reasons I to this day do not fully understand, it
seems frustration (and the unhappiness which flows
therefrom) is the dominant state-of-being I persist in.
-
Back to the massive project begun yesterday.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-06-12

sw00913d33-disturbances

  Erratic sleep night.  Was awakened just before 1 by a small storm.
After that my sleep was interrupted four more times, the last by the
resident above me who was uncharacteristically up and active at   
5:44; but I remained atop my bed (warm night due to temperatures  
around 90 Sunday) for another hour.                                             
 100% chance of rain all day, but we are sweetly passing through
a mild trough with the heaviest rain to our east and a large area of
moderate rain to our west.
 Finished reading The Mathematical Experience shortly before
midnight.  This morning I peeked into Math Without Tears by Roy
Hartkopf.  It was published in 1985 by G. K. Hall & Co. out of Boston,
Massachusetts.
 My brain has been rather helter-skelter, seeking information from 
sites which have no relation to each other.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-06-09

sw00852d12

 Just had enough time this morning to change the dates in 
All About Me and to check the weather map.  It is now
4:30 PM and overcast, but rains seem to be angling in
from Oklahoma City.  Could go mostly south and east
of Springfield.  So far, most of my day was away from
here.  Had to get ready to go shopping, and when that
was done, had to eat while putting the items I bought in
their proper places; and also deal with other needs.  Best
benefit I got was exercise.



Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-04-03

sw00850d10

 Partly cloudy with brisk cool winds.  Took two photos of the
blooming sturdy bush.  My sister then took me to where my
general practitioner is so I could have blood drawn for two 
tests.  We also went to the closest library where I requested
two books.  After that we drove around a Wendy's because
I wanted one plain baked potato.  And then, and then, and
then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and this.  Did 
you get all that?

 This is a good site to read whatever of
if you want information about healthy foods
such as lima beans.



Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-04-01

sw00848d8

 Good morning.  My being here is a bit of a surprise
since thunderstorms passed through Springfield during
the night and today and tomorrow are forecast to be
rain days.  This is the first Sunday after Easter.  Went
back to reading my Lawrence Grant White translation
of Dante's Comedy.  Read seven sections of the
Paradiso.  Also read some more pages of Art and the
Intellect by Harold Taylor.  Both of these books I have
read before, but years ago.



words from one of my unpublished journals

 Each human is unique.  Each human is a creature who thinks and
a creature who feels.  And some of the deepest human feelings
are fueled by beliefs: beliefs that should not despise uniqueness,
but often do; beliefs that should not cancel thought, but often do.
I know that the ability to feel is just as necessary for our species'
survival as the ability to think.  I know the reptile brain in each of
us is quicker to act than the new brain.   //   But I also know that
howevermuch the flames of feelings, and all too often negative
ones, rise from our moralities, the cores of the great moralities
of this planet favor the flames of positive feelings, feelings possible
only for those who are able and willing to honor thought: Jesus
of Nazareth's, for example, when He urges us to love not only
our neighbors but also our enemies.  Please: whenever you and
I disdain others, we first of all disdain ourselves; whenever you
and I disdain others, we are saying that it is all right for others 
likewise to disdain us; whenever you and I disdain others, we join
those forces that disdain humanity.  The less we are willing to
live with each other, the more we will have to die with each other.

                                                                                    1983




Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-03-30

sw00846d6

 Last night late while winds whoed into & under my bedroom window/
I read 12 and 13 of Dante's Paradiso.

 As usual, I spent much of the day bouncing from blog to blog,
leaving a comment at one of them.  Also did some research on
the "intentional fallacy' and the "affective fallacy" as I needed to
refresh my memory.  Slowly I am getting recharged regarding
poetics.


Nada Gordon interviews Benjamin Friedlander



Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-03-28

sw00839d1

 Sprintedon Tracker has been discontinued.

 Diary, though it may not be daily, is replacing it.       d = diary

 In mulling over projects, there's a chance I may stop posting 
poems of mine after I sense Seminary, The Undulant Trees,
and Venturings have ended.  Have begun a new project, but
it will remain a penned poem.  Am not even sure I will be able
to complete it.

All day Tuesday it was windy and rainy with scattered storms.



Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-03-20

sw00829ekua-page15

Edges of Knowledge


Thursday 2003-08-28
-
Passing through difficult hours (days).

After eating my "Meals on Wheels" gift this noon, I
made a second call to J. L. at E. S., telling him I was
about to take a rest because I was still tired from the
9:15pm Tuesday and the 9:15pm Wednesday difficulties--
all of which may be true but now seems to me not
accurate in the details/ as I "think" I am getting my days
mixed up.
  At 3:11pm I was awakened by tromping winds.  I noted
the A/C was on and a small branch with new leaves from
my "drop-drop" tree was in the lot next to the back steps.
That the thermostat temp read above 80 surprised me
some since I felt cold, but I let it be.  I went to the den,
then into the restroom; then unplugged the three lines I
routinely unplug when a heavy storm is about.  I then
got into my jacket and returned to the kitchen/ where I
opened a tube of Ritz crackers, removing eight to a bowl.
Back in the den/ I took my multivitamin with water and
those crackers.  The storm tromped on and no new one
seemed likely to take its place; so at 4:11pm I plugged/
up again.

Saturday 2003-08-30
-
Janice--several years ago--told me to throw away the 2
heart-shaped Valentine balloons on sticks/ I had stationed
at the top corners of the metal shelving here in the den
nearest the doorway to the living area/ no matter they had
not in the least deflated.  (The Sam-set for 4:14pm Topamax
watch is waking the creatures asleep on the sofa-bed.)  At
last I did: first to a waste basket near the TV, and today to 
the large kitchen basket, where--after a time--I removed
their sticks, lightly knifed their internal inflations, and
quartered their poles.

  Pride, Jesus, You know how I am beset with/ a dikydak
pride.

Monday 2003-09-01
-
Admittedly, I had been considering doing so for some
time, but yesterday--by a curious yet binding turn of
activities, I took my spirit to St. Augustine and his
Confessions.
  The web-site I decided to enter--.  If it happens you
are not aware 32 is a central number in my life, and, 16,
collaterally is--.  According to the information given
there, Augustine of Hippo was 32 when he became a true
Christ-follower--a conversion his mother St. Monica had
been praying for for many years--and also that one of the
chapters in his autobiofraphy centers on his 16th year.

Sunday 2003-09-14
-
[ Note: this entry consists of two poems, both of which
          are now in my in-progress Venturings book of
          mostly poems.  Therefore, I'm going to place links to
          each of them here instead of placing each poem here. ]

A Cardinal of Consciousness

***** *** *** *****

Sunday 2003-09-21
-
Yesterday, after not having done so in a long while,
I washed my hair; and J. C., with the aid of another,
started building a shed.  I'd planned to go out, but I
was so tired.  I fell asleep several times during lunch.
One time/ I tried to highlight/ a few front hairs with
sardine oil.
  It didn't occur to me until today that 9, 20, & 3
add to 32, and 32 adds to 5.
  I have a semi-habit of checking the heat pump
thermostat before going to bed.  Sometimes I
turn it off.  I don't have it set to blow warm.
Normally it will start between 10am and 1pm.  I
knew it was going to much sooner this morning
because the temp stayed high last night.  At 7:11
(by this den's clock) it came on.
  Sprinkles!: 10:39am.
  Three scoops of yogurt and a slice of blue pie
replaced my usual breakfast this morning.
  Another strange day: as most are.  I might
be back.

Friday 2003-09-26
-
                                 Nothing 


-
Brian A. J. Salchert

sw00827ekua-page14

Edges of Knowledge


Sunday 2003-06-29
-
For the last several years now, I have been trying especially hard
to identify the Lord's passing (i.e., of-the-moment) signals to me,
particularly when a harmless error is involved.  Sometimes, I feel
in my heart, I do identify His signals.  Last Thursday, however, on
the van ride home from Epilepsy Services, I--as I see it now--    
failed to.  It happened there was another passenger.  Usually I am
the only one.  It also happened the driver had never taken me
home before, and so was in need of a few directions.  Then the
passenger called out/ she was bleeding and wanted to be taken
back, but the driver told me the place she had come from was
now closed.  Then the driver missed a turn, and I told her she
did/ immediately; so she zipped into a parking lot to turn around.
There: we were being shaded by some/ rather large trees, and 
there is the place where I/ missed my Lord's signal.  I should have
had the driver stop for a few seconds/ if I could not get right away
what my Lord was telepathing.  Even though the drive from there
to where I live is short, I feel I ought to have talked the van driver
into checking the woman passenger's bleeding/ at that place.

Friday 2003-07-11
-
6pm is nigh, and I am feeling hungry again.  Do not know what it is,
but every Friday lately I find myself thinking it is Saturday, or even
Sunday.  This Friday I actually did get to Publix.  After I finish eating
I will need to return to my letter to jls.  I realize God may take one
of us from this plane before any new connection between us occurs.
One paragraph in that letter may soon no longer be there, but it will
be here.  Yes, it is a paragraph about me.  
   *     *     *
   Planets, words, numerals: I was still so held
   by the urge to be a philanthropist, I flatly 
   ignored my lack of all the character traits
   required.  Then my health declined.  Thus,
   instead of being of service to other, as I
   would have preferred, others have been (and
   continue to be) of service to me.  I feel sure
   it didn't need to be this way, but it is; and
   God is, as enigmatically as always, unimaginably
   good to me.  Certainly I/ am not right, if I 
   ever was.  (Sister knows.)  Nonetheless, with
   my Early Retriement Social Security and the
   local services I am allowed to use, I am getting
   on reasonably well.
   *     *     *

Saturday 2003-07-12
-
Just as the final revision of my letter to jls finished printing/
several gusts of warm humid wind reverberated against 
this place and into & through the nearby trees.  A space
in me wanted it to mean something, but I could not tell if
it did; and if it did, if it meant good or meant ill.

Sunday  2003-07-13     4:59pm
-
All day grey upon grey with only a speck of blue now and
again given the chance to show through; and a smidgen of
rain, and later another dildy-dash; but now the threats and
the foolery are gone; a real wash takes the air, enters the
ground.  Less than 15 minutes.  Still, it was and did, and
my half-thought of a weed eater venture has shrunk dead.

Thursday  2003-07-17
-
  Several nights ago I washed dishes out of need.
I had used all 16 pieces of regular silverware; but,
having used my original washing routine, those 16
pieces were all I had left to wash.  At that moment
I decided to take a break.
  Recently I had gotten into the habit of washing the
4 tablespoons, which are made differently, last.  Also,
I usually washed 3 together.  Since they are under
soapy water, I never know which 3 will come up 
together.  Knife, fork, spoon.  Knife, fork, spoon.
Knife, fork, spoon.  And: necessarily: knife, fork,
spoon.  Finally, with the last 2 tablespoons up and
dried, I raised my head, and caught 9:11.  The next
digital was 9:12.  Too strange.

Saturday 2003-08-16 (moving past 4pm)
-
The entry below was originally--but differently presented--
in The Blue Ledger.

If I am
allowed in,
I might become
Heaven's Dunce,
or one of them.
-------------------- Today is Saturday:
--------------------    but at 2:34am.




-
Brian A. J. Salchert