sw00814ekua-page9

Edges of Knowledge


*  Good morning (or as it may be).


Tuesday 2002-10-15     4:34pm
-
Heavenly Father,
You know
the extent of my sins
and how horrendous
too many of them were:
You also know
the extent and value
of my right choices.

How amazing, God, You are!
 Twice today, when I phoned the hotel
 to speak with/ a certain woman,
 You made it so/ she was there for me.
Thank You, God, for being;
for being perfect;
for being amazing/
 for one such as I, . . . so stupid.


Wednesday 2002-10-16     9:29am
-
So today there was
7:17 &
          8:11 &
                    8:17
naturally.

And during the mid-day hours,
12:17 popped up; and then a
namber/ I had not/ seen in a while,
the God number:
1:11.
That number stopped me,
pulled me into
meditation,
brought me
solace.

Between 3 and 4pm
I decided to eat a large apple.
Some while later,
as I wasn't feeling quite right,
I decided to put some apple butter
on a slice of bread.
The slice had a couple of wee holes in it;
so I got out the B & B and covered them.
Since there wasn't much apple butter
left in its jar,
I used my father's old Newton trick.
Holding the open jar at a high angle
over the bread with my left hand,
I hit upward against the jar
toward the jar's raised bottom
with the heel of my right hand.
When I had gotten enough
apple butter on the bread,
I wiped off the jar's lip,
and closing the jar,
put it back in the fridge.
After spreading the apple butter
around on the bread,
I glanced up:
the wall clock read
5:11.
I ate what I had made for myself
and went back to the den.
Earlier in the den--
when I wasn't online--
I had made some essential phone calls,
wrote out some checks for bills
and gotten them ready for mailing,
and dealt as I could
with two days of received mail,
etcetera.
During this new period of time
I decided to pray the rosary.
Then I thought I would
go back to the kitchen/living area
to eat some sardines with crackers;
and, I decided to take with me
a small empty bowl
which had been sitting on a nearby shelf.
I said to myself:
it better not be 6:17
when I go through the door.
(I do not wear or carry on me
 a personal watch.
 I just do not like them.)
On the other side of the door
is a sofa bed
which Janice and I had been sleeping on
the last days of her life here,
and which I have continued to sleep on.
Next to the bed I have an alarm clock.
It happens to be running about 30 seconds
ahead of the wall clock.
I didn't look at the wall clock first;
on the alarm clock was:
6:17.

Seeing that, I decided not to
eat the sardines and crackers then
but to come back to write the above section.
Anyway, I got quite involved with it,
and as soon as I finished
(I was not paying attention to
 the computer clock time,
 but I was "thinking about"
 getting something to eat)
I went offline;
and even though I knew it probably was
not a good idea,
I went to eat the
sardines and crackers anyhow.
Lo!, as if to herald my entrance,
the bedside alarm clock
shined 7:17,
and two seconds later
the wall clock shined
7:17.


Thursday 2002-10-17     11:56am

All the wrong choices.
All the wrong choices.

Where is there forgiveness
if I can not forgive myself?

      [Interlude:  Today I tried to ignore
       all that 11 after & 17 after stuff; and,
       after being away from here most of the
       afternoon, I had even semi-forgotten
       about it.  Watched some news (including
       "The ABC Evening News" while I was in
       the kitchen chasing yet another black
       mosquito and eating some more of the
       blueberry banana loaf) until near 7pm.
       I then returned to this den to do this
       & that.  When I finished the drink I had
       and took the plastic back to the kitchen
       to be washed--sometime, both the wall
       clock and the bedside clock shone 7:17.]

I was supposed to be
the son my father lost,
and who knows whether I was;
but I am not the son
he thought he had.
                    the 10-14-02 entry
                    on page 105 of the
                    Blue Ledger----------
                    Brian Salchert

I tell you:  It is extremely difficult
to avoid doing that which later you
might regret, whether that is
doing something you should not do/
or not doing something you should do.
                    10-17-02 entry on
                    page 105 of the
                    Blue Ledger----------
                    Brian Salchert


Wednesday 202-10-23     10:54pm
-
This afternoon was a heavily medical one.
Went to meet with my WC counselor
to fill out an E-- F-- application.
Also, being in the building where
I get my annual flu shot, I did so.
Afterwards drove to Eckerd's bor
2 meds & a supplement.

Yesterday, I believe it was,
I had it verified that Janice's
last medical bills
were covered by Medicaid.
Thank You, Lord.


Sunday 2002-10-27     7:20pm
-
For most of the sunlit time
of the day yesterday 
I was in Shands atAGH, 
mostly in the CPU. 




-
Brian A. J. Salchert