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Edges of Knowledge


2006-02-04  Saturday  10:40pm dc est
-
The turtling minutes
only prolong
my tattetale agonies.

2006-02-05  Sunday  11:44am cc est
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Have been thinking about/
and trying to figure how to phrase:
I believe/ there is a God--
call Him Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah,/
or as I have at times: Rune God;/
or as you prefer--
and that this God is/
a Three-Person God:
Father Creator Sustainer,
Son Redeemer Sustainer,
Love Enlightener Sustainer;/
and that each of these Persons
is always active.
~ I also believe/
this Supreme Being
has granted each human a free will--
the freedom to/ consider and choose/
at each moment: Heaven, Purgatory,
Hell; and that (for the most part)
each of us knows/ which state of
spirituality/ is being chosen.
~ I do not believe/ we *humans
are (for the most part, or most of the time,
because of some illness or other defect)
automatons.
* [Shortly before 4pm as I was about
to type the asterisked word above,
there was a knock on the door, and
a request I decided not to fulfill,
giving a reason which was definitely
true/ but wasn't--which I didn't even
think of--the primary reason impeding
me at that time.  (I am purposely not
revealing--and may not ever--certain
salient aspects of that incident.)  I
will say it may have been a test I
failed, but whether or not, it absolutely
was a dilemma event.  I am still in a
quandary over it.]  It is now 8:50pm dc est.

2006-02-06  Monday  10:40am dc est
-
All my life I have made errors, have chosen poorly, have made mistakes,
  if for no reason/ other than that: my mind's not right.  And why?
That I have yet/ to/ understand.
  Perhaps is totally in my genes for me to be/ as I am.
  Perhaps a certain hurt to my head (or/ to my spirit) is the prime reason.
  Perhaps my babyhood impetigo--.  Perhaps perhaps--.
  .
  Often (in part) it was ignorance;
  often again (also in part) the angers inside me were the catalysts.
So, yes, some of my actions were unintentional; some not.

*

7:44pm dc est ~ Now begin/ my long-thought-about/
hermit hibernations.
Oh, I know one could say I have ever been/ often and often/
sleeping so.  Certainly, solitudes and silences and dreams-in-dreams
are/ an imaginer's, a thinker's, without-which-naught/
sacred/ I-b-n-a-r Ring Caverns.  Still, now begin/ my
hermit vibrations.
10:32pm dc est
*
10:41pm dc est
*

2006-02-07  Tuesday  evening
-
About Love:
~
Are you (meaning: Am I) able to
fully/ love another?
  Probably not.
Are you (meaning: Am I) able to
fully/ love yourself?
  No.
Are you (meaning: Am I) able to
fully/ love the/ God you say
you believe in?
  Fully enough, I "think",
with the graces from Him
I would need/ to be able to
die/ for that belief.

*

About Being Born Again:
~
When (while I was a baby)
I/ was Baptized,
I/ was
  born again.
When (while I was a sub-teen or early-teen)
I/ was Confirmed,
I/ was
  born again/ a second time.
When (when I was 21, and was walking/
in a closed cloister/ just outside of where/
Mass was being celebrated/ in a Jesuit Seminary
in Minnesota; and Fr. Purcell came up to me,
and asked: Whither/ goest thou?: and I told him:
This day/ [It was a Pentecost Sunday.] I am leaving.:
and he bid me kneel, and gave me his blessing.  I--
being as I was, and as I am--took it as a direct
sign from the Holy Spirit Himself/ that another
mission [one which did not include/ being a
Jesuit] awaited me, and that I was/ at that moment/ being
  born again/ a third time.

-

And what did I do, once back in the/ unordered?
And what have I done?  I did and have done
all  manner of things.  I have not been, and
am not yet, and may not ever be/ a holy man, no matter my
  hermit/ intonations.







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Brian A. J. Salchert    2008-07-14    ekua23