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Edges of Knowledge


Thursday 2002-07-25
-
Today I remembered some other thoughts I spoke to Janice,
especially about the card from here parents and
youngest sister and her husband and their two daughters,
and about the stuffed cat she liked to hold/
and was there for her, and about the 2 rosaries brought:
her glow-in-the-dark one, and the one from her youngest sister
which the Pope had blessed; and, I believe, this:
                                                                  "Janice,
you, time upon time the smile of Joy,
...
...
...
so be with God,
and be with me."

This afternoon, per my credit counselor this morning, I
wrote a short letter to Janice's "whale card" bank, sending
along/ a copy of her death certificate.

This afternoon I received a letter of gratitude from
The University of Florida College of Medicine "for the gift
of the remains of your wife, Janice Salchert."  This letter
also included words of sympathy and a specially printed
exceptional quotation from the widow of one of their donors.


Friday 2002-07-26
-
"Did you not know" that
any problems
you have in your life,
any problems
she or he has
are all my fault?
-
This world as it is
desires and requires
persons/ with specific
reliable levels
of perfection.
I am not
such a person,
though I do/
for the sake of this world/
and the sake of me in it/
continue to try to be.
The types of perfection
my spirit naturally strives for
are only peripherally noted by
this world as it is;
are only in
the stratospheres/ of caring
prized.
And even there,
amateur that I often am,
are seldom made much of.

     Brian Salchert    from Blue Ledger, page 100


Sunday 2002-07-28
-
Everything that didn't
     need to be,
actually, I think, did
     need to be;
after all, who knows/
     better than
          God knows.

     Brian Salchert    from Blue Ledger, page 101


Tuesday 2002-07-30
-
How is it that I
     who am nothing
or/ perhaps, even
     less than nothing
continue to be
     blessed and blessed
by that One Being
     Who is "Everything"?

     Brian Salchert    from Blue Ledger, page 101


Wednesday 2002-07-31     8:38pm
-
After falling asleep for an "hour" in the middle of it,
I moments ago completed the following letter to --------.

Dear Representative:

   This letter is to inform you that the holder of account
....-....-....-.... is now deceased.  I, Brian A. Salchert,
her former husband, am sending along a copy of the Death
Certificate of Janice M. Salchert.  As to the $56.68 charge
on the current statement, a representative of the company
as ...-...-.... said it would be taken off in two or three
billing cycles.  Her death and the length of time before the
current charge is reversed creates a conundrum.  I await
your company's resolution.

Thank you,
Brian A. Salchert
Brian A. Salchert
address
phone #   email address


Tuesday 2002-08-06     9:54am
-
I just finished writing a letter I did not expect to write,
but because of what I said in it, I have decided to show 
the body of it here.

  The last cat we had was a
black-and-white outdoors cat, though
Janice picked it up when it was
yet a kitten.  She (Suzee) was ill.
We did what we needed to to return
it to health, and we kept it in
our mobile home; but we did not
thereafter do what we ought to have
done, and we spoiled it.  *---------
----------------.  During the
early night of July 18th, 2002,
Janice died.  There's a hole in my
soul that will not heal, and I
cannot pretend the donation herein
will heal it.

               * ----------------
----------.
* Finally I felt it necessary to give
Suzee up to animal control.  Besides
and because of our not doing right
by her, I was convinced she could
no longer be trusted.  I don't 
here wish to reveal the details.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  In memory of Janice Marie Binnebose Salchert

                                                 Godspeed,
                                                 Brian Salchert


Monday 2002-08-19     4:07pm
-
8-18-02
     No matter how much real good
       we have done:
         quietly, honestly, lovingly,
     there will always be
       (upon reflection)
         the feeling that
     we have not done enough.
       That is a condition of
         imperfection.

     Brian Salchert    from Blue Ledger, page 101
*
8-18-02
     Blessed Virgin,
     Blessed Trinity,
     if when Janice/
     was shocked by that stroke,
     she did not know
     what to think or do--
     I do not know
     what to think or do--
     I can only pray
     she is okay,
     and is there with you.

     Brian Salchert    from Blue Ledger, page 102
= = = 



Brian A. J. Salchert