sw00812ekua-page7

Edges of Knowledge


Wednesday 2002-08-21     5:09pm
-
Day began excitedly due to my math investigations.
but even as that excitement did not last, new concerns
associated with Janice's final illness has made today
suddenly somber.  And even the ants chose this day
to return.  Now is the time.  Faith.


Thursday 2002-08-22     4:09pm
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Today I was told that via Hospice/
aid for Janice for the month of July
was approved.  Thank You, God.


Sunday 2002-08-25     5:46pm
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Those of you
who wish to believe
I am to blame
for Janice's death
I give you
free rein
to do so,
even though
in my dim soul
I know I
did not
want such.
                    8-23-02   Brian Salchert
And I believe
Janice didn't
want such
either.
          from Blue Ledger, page 102
*
8-24-02
          Although an individual
          willing to commit murder
          will usually espouse a "reason"
          for doing so, such a person--
          being already beyond reason--
          doesn't really need a reason
          for doing so.
                    Brian Salchert    from Blue Ledger, page 103
*
8-25-02
          My God, such a frightful lot we are!
                    Brian Salchert    from Blue Ledger, page 103


Wednesday 2002-08-28     7:35am
-
Late morning yesterday I had to go the Ayers lab near AGH
to have some blood drawn so the Dilantin level in my blood
could be determined.  Early afternoon yesterday I then had
to go to my doctor's office so she could inspect what damage
I had sustained/ and also ask me some important questions.
Probably due to stress and overextension, I had had a third
seizure, from which I awoke--my body at an angle on the floor
with my head nearest the wall--about 11:33pm in this m/h.
Because I was between the TV and the socket where I plug
the nite-lite in, I have come to assume that plugging that
light in was what I was doing when the seizure k/o'd me
Monday night.  Four consecutive hotel third shifts is still
a bit more than my body these days is comfortable with.
Still, my body mechanisms being as they are now, I do need
to seriously pay attention when they are urging me to rest.


Friday 2002-08-30     1:26pm
-
Whether I am totally at fault,
partially at fault,
or not at all at fault
for Janice's death,
her spirit has
most definitely
parted from her body;
therefore, however valuable
discussing the causes
of that separation
may be, I, here, am
unequivocally alone;
andit does not matter
how strongly we argued
or what each of us
failed to grasp;
her spirit has
left its body,
and I, here, am
undeniably/ alone.
                           Brian Salchert


Sunday 2002-09-01     4:42pm
-
What a weekend this has been!  Because I did not need
to work these nights at the hotel, I went to Confession
Saturday (first time since 10/08/01) and to Holy Mass
today (first time in I do not know when).  The sky now
is darkening--the afternoon rain, it seems, is once again
on its way.  But I have been writing to a sister and a
sister-in-law about specifics of these days, and I have
been writing on my briansbrain2002 page in Tripod and on
this autobio-p3 in ThirdAge; and I've been seeking that
which/ could benefit me physically, mentally, emotionally,
and (most of all) spiritually.  As weak as I am, as weak
as I have always been, the Father God, my Creator, has
never ceased providing for me in ways far beyond what I
believe I am worthy of.  The priest who was my confessor,
the priest who was the celebrant at the Mass I participated
in today is/ a Jesuit.  Had I not years ago tried to become
a Jesuit, and had I not thereafter had a long connection wth
a certain novice-mate who did and yet is a Jesuit, no special
meaning at all would reside in this weekend's Catholic
occurrences.  Make of it what you will, I will ever wonder
at it.  The sky now has somewhat brightened again. No rain.
No rain.


Tuesday 2002-09-30     9:14pm
-
from 9-2-02
  I told a certain sister-in-law/
  some days after Janice had
  left her darkened body behind/
  a spider had woven its residence
  underneath the dinette set
  we had (not for a long time) used,
  to which she promptly admonished
                & declared:
  "Do not kill it, Brian.
   It might be Janice."
  Checked off-balance by even the thought,
  I did allow the spider space;
  but kept a wary watch over it,
  noting how each day it would
  hide its lanky Aztecan body
  high up on the table's stem:
  a habit I got so familiar with
  that/ when I saw it had not done so
  several days, I began to wonder
  if this new Janice, too, had died,
  motionless--as it seemed to be--out
  in the body of its web.
  Along about the 7th day, I
  took a teasing stroke at it
  with "our" wooden yardstick.
  Still, it did not move.  It
  wasn't until Sunday--September 1st,
  when somehow an ant (!) had gotten/
  snagged near there, that the
  life in my spider flicked back on.

           Brian Salchert


Thursday 2002-09-05     9:04am
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See today's entry at Brian's Brain 2002.



-
Brian A. J. Salchert